Friend Request?

In earlier blogs, I have shared about many of my failures in friendship.  My years of mistakes have taught me valuable lessons--one of which is that time is required to nurture a relationship.  Does my present limitations of time mean that I should avoid forming new friendships?

A number of months ago, I met a family that really inspired me.  I've had a number of occasions since then where our paths have intersected.  The wife absolutely intrigues me.  She is very soft spoken, but a powerhouse of a woman.  She's a business owner, home school teacher to her 4 children, baker, builder, seamstress and decorator.  She's one of those woman who seem to possess every skill set that I've ever desired to have.  There is no doubt that there is so much I could learn from her.  But is that a selfish reason to want to be friends?

I guess I have to analyze what I have to bring to the friendship table:

1.  I will listen.  Other's concerns and feelings matter to me.  I always try to listen to someone's heart with my own heart. 

2.  I am teachable.  I do want to learn from others.  I want to hear what they have to say and sort through the wisdom they offer.

3.  I am tender.  I'm quick to offer compassion, but also have a tendency to be quickly broken.

4.  I'm a firm believer in prayer.  I will pray for others and that the Lord will act in their lives.  Depending on your personal belief system, this may or may not be a plus.

5.  I'm a get-it-done girl.  You need to take out your kitchen cabinets?  Call me!

6.  I'm a planner.  You want to get married in three weeks?  No problem.  We can pull off a great wedding--cake and all!

7.  I'm a plate spinner.  I can tackle many problems at once. 

Or can I?  The answer is really yes, and no.  When I'm in the "zone", I'm great.  However, when one plate falls down, I often loose balance and have the rest come crashing down around me.  And so I go back to my original question of if it's wisdom to add another friend to my circus (assuming she wants to be friends with me).  I never want anyone to feel like they are spinning dangerously through my life.  I want them to feel valued and important. 

So, what do you think--do I "submit" a friend request or not?

Behind Closed Doors

I once heard a comedian recounting the story of how, after a long absence from physical intimacy, he and his wife were in the "moment", when one of their children started banging on the door, sobbing uncontrollably. 
"What is it?" he asked in a less than friendly voice.
"My hamster is dead!" wailed the child.

I don't remember how things turned out, but I chuckle to myself every time this story comes to mind. We have a hamster.

Marriage is one of the greatest joys I have ever experienced.  But, it does take work.  It takes sacrifice, patience and grace.  And when it comes to intimacy, it takes purposeful and mutual surrender. 

When my husband and I were courting, we committed to each other to stay sexually pure until our wedding vows were exchanged.  In the months leading up to our marriage, I remember thinking that I was going to be super sexual once we said "I do."  But, the realities of intimacy were nothing like what was depicted in romantic comedies.  I had a lot of learning to do about what it meant to give of myself when we found ourselves smack dab in the middle of real life.

Once the honeymoon was over, it was time to go back to work.  That was short lived before I began a more physical job (pregnancy), and boy did intimacy change then!  Breast feeding and post-baby body added a whole new element to contend with.  Then the kids grew, times got even busier and sleep became the highlight of my day.  Being intimate often required every last ounce of strength that I had.

Now, this is in no way a knock on my husband.  I don't want anyone to think that he lacked understanding or patience.  He was, and is, so good to me!  The problems lay/lie mostly with me, a hormonal imbalance, and overexposure to a world that uses sex to sell everything from gum to cars.
 It is amazing how small seeds of discontent can be planted in your mind without even realizing it.  When romance doesn't come in a "Pretty Woman" package, are we still willing to work for it?

Intimacy will often come down to a choice.  Will I stay self-focused and hone in on the trials of the day, or will I give of myself and take in a glimpse of the bigger picture?  I choose the big picture, though in all honesty, often times I'd rather not be the focus of "attention."  But, I am so thankful that my husband loves and desires me.  Though my emotional response may not always be what I want it to be, I choose to act out in love.

Lacking Discipline

I could easily launch into a long discourse about what the lack of discipline has done to American society.  A failure to let our "yes" be Yes! and our "no" be No! has led (in my opinion) to the personal, familial and national moral decline that we see today.

But, I am not about to start pointing my fingers at anyone, when I know full well that I am as guilty as the next.  Lack of discipline (on my part) has meant inconsistency in my parenting, my writing, my exercising, my eating and my communication with those I care about.

I blogged a number of days ago about how I really wanted to "unplug" in the after school hours.  I wanted the time in the afternoons and evenings to be free from electronic distraction so that I could give more focused attention to my children and husband.  I made it about 30 minutes that first afternoon before the phone calls/texts came in asking for help in sending emails and looking up other documents on-line.

Today for lunch, I pulled out a bowl of watermelon, intending to have a few pieces.  It now sits next to me totally empty.

Exercise goals?  Sure I've had them.  But don't look too hard around my house for the half-marathon medal.  It isn't here.

Dictionary.com defines one aspect of discipline this way: activity, exercise, or a regimen that develops or improves a skill; training.  I want to be consistent in exercise.  I want to develop a regimen that will help develop and improve the skills that I have.  I need training in many areas of my life.  This discipline gig is not for the faint of heart!

Neglecting to set boundaries in my own life will have very real consequences.  It may range from ill health to broken relationships.  The freedom of being an adult offers me the ability to play, eat, spend, etc. with little outside pressure to stop.  But, I don't ever want to live with the mantra that "rules are made to be broken."  Freedom is a blessing, but as you've undoubtedly heard (as it pertains to the Armed Forces), "Freedom is bought with a price."

It may appear that discipline has no place in this modern world, but I say "bring it on!"  It's uncomfortable, and I don't like it, but there is no question in my mind about its necessity. 

People who accept discipline are on the pathway to life, but those who ignore correction will go astray. Proverbs 10:17

Old vs. New

I'm finding that I'm at an interesting crossroads, and am not quite sure how to choose a path (or can I force the paths to merge?).  On the home front, I'm trying my best to unplug.  I want less computer, less television, and fewer phone calls.  I realize that the last few years have seen many wasted hours that could have been better invested into my family.

But, in the working world, technology is a necessity, and staying on top of the changes is a must.  Even providing the most basic type of modern, professional exposure requires Facebook, Twitter, blogging, email, events calendars and websites. 

Just today, I was on a quest to find out the most cost effective way to do a radio remote.  Here is one suggested string: mic to notebook to internet to Skype to station computer to board and then on-air.  For a few hundred bucks, you could find me anywhere in the world broadcasting right back to my home base.  There is a lot to learn!

With smart phones taking over the world, and with new "apps" being added daily,  it is very possible that I might soon be able to plug a microphone right into my iphone and on into the studio.  One problem with that--I don't have a smart phone (of any kind).

So how much do I invest into technology?  Will AM radio be around 10 years from now, or will all broadcasts be heard through your phone?  Did you know that newer models or cars are being built without radios?  Just docks for your phone and mp3 jacks!

If you have any suggestions, I'm open.  But for now, these are just a few things I'm trying to mull over before I shut this all down and make an after school snack.

Looking for Validation

I struggle with the need to feel validated by others. While, there is a time and place to receive healthy appreciation from bosses, co-workers, spouses, kids and friends--there is a deeper issue of realizing my worth that needs to be addressed.  The scriptural answer to this problem is always in the back of my mind.  However, it's not easy to "feel" the truth . As a reminder (for myself and others) I thought I'd look up a few verses that speak to who I am in Christ.

I am not under the law, but under grace. (Rom. 6:14)
I am an heir to God's promises. (Gal. 3:29)
I am complete in Him. (Col. 2:10)
I am blessed. (Numerous scriptures)

This list could be considerably longer, but "I am" also running late. 

Lord, help the truths you have spoken over me resonate in my emotions as well.  Let me feel your presence so deeply that I stop questioning who I am, but keep my eyes fixated on who You are.
Amen

If it's not an emergency, then ask Papa!

Today has been one of those days.  It's been one of those weeks actually, and it's only Wednesday.  But, to fully explain the story, I have to go back a few days more.

Sunday evening, we had some friends over for dinner.  The adults were inside talking, while the 4 kids were out on the trampoline.  Suddenly I hear: "Hannah, are you OK?" No response.  Again, "Hannah??"  I have that momentary panic--the kind that you don't let anyone else see.  Your mind races to the worst possible scenarios, and then back again.  When I heard her start crying, it was actually a relief.

She came in, covered in grass, and explained she had fallen out of the trampoline (and onto her head and back).  We have a net enclosure, and this accident took skills that only my oldest has (for getting hurt in unusual ways).  Fast forward to the next day and many dizzy hours later, I was concerned that she had a concussion, and went off to the doctor.  She was given a very thorough exam, and now seems to be doing fine.

Last night, Sydney gets out of bed to report that she has pain in her lungs when she takes deep breaths.  It was obvious that it wasn't an emergency, but still, I was concerned.  Today, after playing in a bounce house (no, I did not let Hannah join in), she started gasping and clutching her throat saying that it was closing up.

For those that have kids with asthma, severe allergies or other medical ailments, you know what your heart feels like when you are on the brink of "Do I call 911?" or "Do I have what it takes to handle this situation?"  Well, by God's grace, I handled it.  But once the immediate threat was over, my body and mind went into shut down mode.  I got so tired and overwhelmed that I had to call in re-enforcements.

So, I now sit on the couch, after not taking a nap (that I was instructed to do), waiting for the word on what the doctor said.  I feel half like a big lazy jerk for not going with Bob to the doctor, but half so taxed that I can't imagine doing anything but sitting here.

Prayers for my sanity will be greatly appreciated.

Second Hand Clothing

My mother-in-law is the queen of garage sales.  She gets out on a weekly basis and scours the city for treasures that others are ready to discard.  She takes pride in showing a Thomas Kinkade mantle piece that she got for a dollar, or the $30 cookbook that she snagged for fifty cents.

One of her biggest gifts to our family has been a never ending supply of second hand clothing. Having grown up with my fair share of neighborhood hand-me-downs, I've never thought twice about wearing someone else's former belongings.  She produces bags of clothing, especially for my girls, that have undoubtedly saved thousands of dollars from our budget.

Still in elementary school, my girls don't yet realize the negative connotation that our culture puts on the word "used".  I pray that they never have the experience of having a child look down on them for their appearance.  But, chances are, it will happen.  My goal is to help them be self assured and confident in who they are, not in how they look.

Now, I do want my girls to learn how to take care of themselves.  I want them to look nice, even stylish if we can swing it.  But the fact that a shirt cost a quarter in someone's driveway, rather than twenty or thirty bucks at the mall, shouldn't cause a bit of shame.

What is it that makes an individual stand with shoulders back and head held high?  Sure, money can give the appearance of self-assuredness, but catch them in the "raw", the wealthy are just human beings, full of flaws and problems (like everyone else) but covered with a designer label.

If I were to get a million dollars in the mail today, would I still wear garage sale clothes?  Probably.  I'd like the freedom to go and buy whatever was needed without budgetary concern, but I wouldn't want to give up the healthy pride I experience by knowing what a great deal I scored with the shirt I'm wearing.

I want to teach my girls good stewardship and how to be of exemplary character.  They are fearfully and wonderfully made, and no dollar amount will either add to, or diminish that fact.  I greatly desire for them to walk through life with confidence, knowing who they are in Christ.  The clothes may have been purchased at a discount, but their security comes from Him paying full price!