The Pain of Change

I posted this a few days back on my work blog, but thought I'd share it here as well.

Stagnation is defined by dictionary.com as:

  /stægˈneɪʃən/

1. the state or condition of stagnating, or having stopped, as by ceasing to run or flow

2. a foulness or staleness, as one emanating from a standing pool of water.

3. a failure to develop, progress, or advance

4. the state or quality of being or feeling sluggish and dull

I definitely don't want a stagnant life. But, as I see it, stagnation is only avoided by change--allowing yourself to "go with the flow". And therein lies the problem. Change can be painful.

Typically, as we grow older, we become more set in our ways. In the last 10 years of my life, there has been a remarkable shift from my desperation for change, to a current fear of being shaken. As a young stay-at-home mom, I remember a feeling of hopelessness that things would never change. I couldn't see beyond the sleepless nights, diapers, and feedings. Desperate for any sign of change, I would re-arrange furniture just to have the appearance of something different.

Now, a decade later, change doesn't much appeal to me. Moving to a new home or job seems like an overwhelming prospect. As my children grow, it's a delight to watch them mature, but it is becoming increasingly difficult to help them work through their problems (academically or socially) that are increasingly complex.

Yesterday, I got one of those painful reminders about just how inflexible I have become. Within a matter of a few hours, I was called "uptight" and "an old fuddy duddy". Keep in mind that I haven't even hit 35 yet! I think there is little question that I have become stagnant.

So today, though my mind races and that fear of the uncertain knocks at the door, I'm going to try to open the flood gates. It's time to purge my foulness and staleness. I want to develop in my personal and work life. I want to see a forward progression and advancement beyond where I stand now.

Having woken at 3:45 this morning, I'm feeling both sluggish and dull, however I opt not to stay there. While I'm a long way off from a Gumby-like flexibility, I can start with some small steps today. I will choose to look to the future, and trust that the Lord has a good plan for me. I may not have the vision to understand why or how the speed bumps and detours can be used for my benefit, but I know that they can be. Our God is a good and faithful God. We just have to trust that His eternal perspective is infinitely more complex then our finite understanding of the here and now.

John 7:38 Whoever believes in me, as Scripture has said, rivers of living water will flow from within them.