Bummer Birthday Party

Over the weekend, my soon to be 12 year-old had a sleepover birthday party.  The expectation of what the night would be like had been built up in her mind for weeks.  When the actual party got underway, it became apparent that it wasn't what she had imagined.  A few of the girls kept to themselves, buried in ipods/ipads and didn't really get into the party "spirit". 


Photo credit: Relevant Magazine.  www.relevantmagazine.com

The next morning afforded me the opportunity to have a conversation with her in regard to what true friendship looks like. Godly friendships are become more rare in our culture, and I really wanted her to have a deep understanding of what it means to be a friend, and what to look for in a friend. 

The disappointment she felt is something that I could easily relate with.  I too have a tendency to create a fantasy in my mind about what an event/relationship/situation will be like, only to find that reality is much less glamorous and far more "human".  The entertainment industry does us a huge disservice when it depicts relationships through the lens of Romanic Comedies, and friendships in the vein of "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants". 

Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, etc. all provide an illusion of friendship and community.  They can be fun and helpful tools, but we have to guard our hearts against the temptation of replacing an often messy relationship based life, with an on-line mirage.

Here are a few verses on friendship worth considering:

"A perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends."  Proverbs 16:28

"Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared."  Proverbs 22:24, 25

"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up.  But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!" Ecclesiastes 4: 9,10

So, whether you or your child are struggling with friendship, I encourage you to seek out examples of what healthy relationships look like (through God's eyes).  Avoid the temptation to escape into the online world of friends and fantasy.  While it may provide a great distraction or (on the positive side) the ability to connect with those outside of your community, it will be hard for any of these relationships to pick you up when you've fallen down.  Seek out and pour yourself into those messy, face to face relationships.  They won't always have a Hollywood hue to them, but they will have profoundly (eternally?)  more value than relationships that can be created or dissolved by the click of a keyboard mouse.