Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Mean Mom's Guilt Trip

As I slid my card through the credit card machine, I said nastily to my daughter, "$74 because you didn't put your glasses away."  The cashier looked a bit embarrassed and apologized for the long wait we had just endured.

My "little" girl stormed ahead, mumbling something about that fact that I shouldn't have humiliated her.  She was right.  I stoped in the isle and asked for forgiveness.  My guilt trip wasn't going to solve this problem.

I was mad--maybe even rightfully so.  However, my treating her like a jerk just compounded the frustration I was feeling.

Teaching responsibility and/or real-world consequences to my girl(s) is proving to be so much more difficult then I ever imagined.  For example, when Joey the hamster died, I ended up buying the replacement, because she didn't have enough money, and needed one for the 4-H project that had been ordered while the hamster was still alive.

Today, she forgot to go to band after school.  Today also happened to be the day that we got to order new glasses after the original pair didn't get put away, and have subsequently been lost in the black hole where missing things go to die.

We don't give our kids an "allowance".  They have the opportunity to earn a few dollars each week by doing housework, but they never want to save it for anything of value.  Instead, it's blown on dollar store nick knacks and the occasional candy or ice cream. 

There has never been an item that they wanted enough to save up for.  So, how do I teach the value of hard work?  How do I instill in them the worthiness of saving for a large goal?  And when they lose, damage or distroy someone's (or thier own) time or materials, how are they to make restitution?

I know that there aren't any pat answers to these issues.  They will likely require new and creative techniques to address the root problem each time.  But one thing is for sure: my guilt heaped upon them will serve no good purpose.  If I could remember to parent like God (a very tall order), then the stage would be set for heart change, rather then groveling sorrow that lasts only for a moment.

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.  Romans 8:1

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