Learning the Art of Friendship

With each additional year I travel into adulthood, I realize that there are some key lessons from childhood that I either didn't learn, or learned incorrectly.  "Friendship Fundamentals" seems to be a class I failed to sign up for.

In Elementary School, I didn't fit in with the "cool" kids, but also didn't have a heart willing to befriend the unpopular.  There were a few girls that I had some forced play dates with, but nothing much lasted beyond 5th grade.

Middle School didn't offer much help.  There were a few girls that I just loved, and had some genuinely great times with.  But, once puberty hit, I found myself dragging pitifully behind the pack.

In High School, I found a whole new makeup of personalities as I went to a school in another district.  It was easy for be to make friends with the guys. I was quick to fight back and wasn't pretty enough to be a girly distraction.

There were a few girls that also came into my life at this time.  Having been pretty sheltered from the social scene in my younger years, I warmed up quickly to the idea of sleep-overs and hormone induced drama.

Summertime music camp also formed some unique bonds with kids I wouldn't have normally been exposed to. One of those friendships went on to be my college roommate for a year.

But, after marrying young and having children soon after, it became very clear that I didn't invest the time needed to maintain a friendship.  It was increasingly difficult to nurture a relationship with other women.  I felt that my struggles were often too shameful to share, and with a few exceptions, I kept to myself.

A majority of the friendships that died off have to do with my financial situation.  While that sounds horribly shallow, let me explain.  The first 5 years of raising my children were the most difficult times of my life.  If I ever had an opportunity to get out with a friend, I was desperate to escape the noise and chaos of my home.  I wanted "adult time" but didn't have the resources to do pedicures or go out to coffee.  I felt that if we couldn't go "out" somewhere, that I shouldn't even bother. This was a big mistake.

Even though we now have a little more flexibility in our discretionary spending, I've burned a lot of bridges by neglecting those key years.  And the older that my children get, the less free time I have to invest into others outside my home and immediate family.

I have learned some hard lessons in the last few month about what it means to be a friend.  To any of you that I have hurt with my ignorance, indifference or isolation, I ask your forgiveness.  I want to be a friend and teach my children how to do the same.